User Profile

I was never a man to write my thoughts on paper. I never had the desire to read back those moments of anguish and torment. What would be the reason to do it? The memories are hidden behind these eyes that many succumb to. These emotions that are kept hidden in the darkest of crevices that only my fears have lived. To share space with languid emotions that devour...that reach out in bony wisps no matter where I am or whom keeps me company at any given moment.

When I hear the utter nothingness of the night, the only sound; the whispers shivering in the wind, then and only then do I waver with the sound of her screaming. Her screams against the licks of flame that accompanied her death, comes back to me. Like an orchestra of endless thunder does this memory do what it wishes with me and leaves me as a frightened child alone...so very alone.

But I hide it, and I hide it well. There aren't many that can see past my eyes. These eyes that keep watch over these almost ancient tasting flaws. Flaws that number more than the scars across my body. I can think back to many years ago. Years ago, after my heart resembled something you see only in nightmares. I was banished from the pleasure of those I loved most. The death I felt from inside out was as wide as the galaxy yet as thin as silk thread. I was hideous...sometimes I think I still am.

I'd sit before a mirror and play with the light borne of candles. I'd raise my chin this way, brush my hair that way, tilt my head either direction. I'd practice my walk, my gestures, the way I did everything, until I found a way to present myself. I'll rephrase. Until I found a way to present the man I used to be but still am. The scars take away from the man, they always did.

I want to escape these hideous creatures that live inside my soul but if I do it would be to escape who I am. There is no escape and there never will be. Every set of bright eyes I see brings her face in pictures within my mind. Laughter brings me tears within my heart. Tears bring me anguish within my soul. Even one of those rare moments when I'm filled with such tender emotions for those near. When I forget for just a short space time...the time it takes your heart to beat. When I capture a single moment in time when I can speak under my breath and say 'This moment is perfection'.

Then I catch my reflection in something and her screams begin again...and again.

Asher